9. Any guy who drives a hummer will use the words “dude”, and “brother” excessively while talking to other guys. Any girl who drives a hummer has a penis.
8. If you still have the same haircut you had in high school and you are in your 50s, you look like an idiot
7. Anybody who thinks it’s a good idea to go to a movie dressed up as a character from that movie hasn’t had sex this year.
6. Two drinks are always better than one. Three drinks are always better than two. Four drinks are even better than three, but your 21st drink is one drink too many. Please, drink responsibly.
5. Remember a few years ago when all the kids were wearing super baggy jeans and you would look at them and say “Wow, they look stupid.” If you are wearing really super-tight jeans – wow, you look stupid.
4. Rapping in the shower has officially overtaken singing in the shower amongst white males, aged 16-35.
3. Any time there is a twenty minute lineup for a coffee at Tim Horton's there will be an empty coffee shop around the corner with a fresh pot. (Maybe you should go there instead.)
2. Certain commonly used basketball terms can easily be confused as gay porn titles. Examples include: backcourt violation, penetrating the lane, backing down, and from downtown.
1. R Kelly is the new Rick James. Real talk.
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