8. The only useful application of writing top ten lists is on the Late Show with David Letterman. Unfortunately Dave hates Vakis.
7. The truth is getting a real job would interrupt Vakis’ one true passion: watching So You Think You Can Dance marathons on Much Music.
6. In his last interview Vakis was asked to talk about a time he went above and beyond the call of duty. He answered by detailing an incident from his days as a waiter. Once, one of Vakis’ patrons had too much to drink. Vakis went out of his way to call a cab but the man had other plans – plans that involved driving. The vagrant paid his bill and started stumbling towards his car. Not being one to stand back and watch as another man became a danger to himself and others on the road, Vakis swept into action and stabbed the drunk in his kidneys. That man never drove again. The interviewer surprisingly, was not impressed.
5. Actually all of number six was a lie. Vakis can’t get hired because he lies.
4. Vakis suspects the reason he can’t get hired is because he wrote a list on why he can’t get hired and then published it online for all to see.
3. On his resume under interests Vakis wrote kicking puppies.
2. Everyone knows that as the unemployment rate drops, inflation goes up. Vakis, the kind soul that he is, has taken it upon himself to remain unemployed in a heroic attempt to stop inflation. He should be applauded for his bravery, and rewarded with a job.